the turning of a page

It's tough to accept the fate of a friendship. A true path of a relationship should have natural ebbs and flows, not jabs and blows. When you finally recognize this, it can be a bit disheartening.

Over the years, I've lost a handful of friends for one reason or another. Differences too critical to overlook, changes too big to accept or maybe they simply just ...fell in love.

I know I haven't always done the right thing. I've stepped on a few toes, felt the toes under my feet and still didn't budge. But at what point do you sacrifice honesty just to maintain the peace? I would rather be entirely myself, flaws and all, and have only one real friend then be someone I'm not and have a dozen.

I've learned that if you keep people at arms length out of fear or self-protection, that's exactly where they'll stay. Out of reach. If you stay behind that wall of fear and you give nothing, well, that's exactly what you'll get in return.

I certainly didn't come to this point overnight. Life so far has been an awesome and sometimes trying course. One thing is for sure though, 30 didn't just happen, 30 EVOLVED. And so I will continue to do.

Yet this time around, I feel a little better equipped for the ride.

I think Ill take a moment, celebrate my age
The ending of an era and the turning of a page
Now its time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years
My next thirty years Im gonna settle all the scores
Cry a little less, laugh a little more
Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear
Figure out just what Im doing here
In my next thirty years
~tim mcgraw

Roadtrip!!

There's not many places I would say no to taking a roadtrip to. Well, besides Florida. From Pennsylvania. In the dead of winter. Try sleeping in a car parked at a truck stop at the South of the Border at 4am. Enough said.

I especially love roadtrips if I'm the passenger. Which means my job basically consists of choosing cds and passing the trailmix. I don't even have to pretend I know how to read a map. Not only does Wes like the history channel and aerial satellite photographs of earth...

but he absolutely loves maps.

So this saturday the plan is take a day and head out to Kutztown. He's been working out there this week and loves the area and wants to explore a bit. I'm game since I especially like the kind of adventures where someone else does the planning and all I need to do is show up.

I can handle that.

mr. man

The praying mantis is fascinating. How a creature can be so elusive yet so dang boring is beyond me.

This little bugger sat on the outside porch for a good two days and I think he moved 45 degrees that entire time. Despite the fact that I not only spoke to him, blew on him, touched him gently with a stick and took multiple photographs of him with my camera shoved within an inch of his little praying face.

So due to his lack of entertaining, Wes and I had to bring it on ourselves.

This is where the family of daddy longleggers hovering overhead come in to play. And by in to play, I mean Wes grabs one and tosses it in Mr Man's direction.

After a few trial and error longlegger slingshots, much to our delight and enjoyment, Mr Man took hold of the legger by a leg and gobbled away. After about 5 minutes of our oohing and ahhing, we lost interest and went on our way.

Mr Man seemed neither delighted or thankful for our participation.

I can only hope that I played some part in feeding Mr Man his last supper. That is, before Mrs Man came along, had her way with him and then devoured his head.

should i be worried?

So Wes casually mentions that he likes guns. 'Oh really" i respond. And that's the end of conversation. Well, little did I know that 'i like guns' means 'i love guns almost as much as you and beer combined'.

Bullfrogs in his pond croak a little too loudly - out comes a pellet gun, window up, round fired, frogs quiet.

Most people expect walnuts to fall out of trees at their own will. Not Wes. I mean, what if they were to fall and hit him as he's enjoying a swing on the hammock or a frolic around the yard? So out comes his pistol - KABOOM!!! KABOOM!!! GA-DUNK! GA-DUNK! GA-DUNK!

He suggests a leisurely stroll on the perkiomen trail at dusk. Oh, how nice, you think. But what this really means is an excuse for a handgun to be strapped inconspiculously to his leg. Yeh, good thing because I hear the deer are viscious.

victory of da feet

I assure you that I have a healthy obsession with them, hence all the feet shots.

It's just that I like em.

And not because I have a toe tattoo that defys recognition.
Or obscenely high arches.
Or an oddly shaped pinky toe.

It's just that feet represent so much. They decide stay or go, run or walk, turn around or go forward, rest or work harder. Give up or keep on... keeping on.

With each photograph where my feet are present, it not only captures the moment - but the perspective. There I was - there will my feet be also. I mean, they got me there, right?

Your feet and a free will - - endless possibilites.

monkey business

Wes loves climbing trees. It must be the monkey in him.

Me, I'm more of a ground person. Good ole sturdy ground. Grass, dirt, sand, gravel, I'll even take a little mudd as long as it's planted firmly beneath my feet. These legs are already clumsy enough. No use tempting fate by messing with gravity.

I mean, look at him. Not only is he a good 25 feet in the sky....


but he's wielding a sharp object - - a sharp, MOVING object, at that.

No thanks. I'll just stand down here and try not to watch while I take pictures.

And cringe when a brisk wind comes through.

ahh...this is the good life

I'd like to meet the woman who invented the hammock and shake her hand.

Yes, HER hand.

You see, I like to think that she...let's call her Ruth. I like to think of Ruth as a hardworking, German woman with strong hands and ankles as thick as soup cans. She wakes before the sun each morning to send her husband off with a full stomach and a thoughtful prayer. Her food nourishes, her words comfort. Her strength lies deeper than her ability to lift 150 pound bundles of hay in one brisk motion.

One summer day, an especially muggy day - the kind of day where the only breeze you feel is the swinging of the barn door shut behind you. This day, Ruth's usual energy is depleting and she's moving a little slower than usual. She thinks to herself 'if I have to lift one more finger, I just might die'. She flops her body down for a moment of rest under the big tree beside the barn and looks up into the branches.

'If only I was as peaceful and free as those leaves up there, if just for a moment, to sway between the branches and sky'

'Oh, but I can be!' she thought with a smile.

And so Ruth ran into the house, found that old quilt tucked away in the closet, ran out to the trees and rigged up the most ingenious bed in the sky you ever did see. She called it her 'hemlock' - since she tied it up between the two largest hemlocks in the yard.

(The hemlock would later be referred to as the hammock. After her german ancestors migrated to pennsylvania, the true pronunciation of the word got muddled and therefore sounded more 'dutchy'.)

And that's my story of the origin of my favorite invention ever.

And not a lick of it is true.

Peace, love and hammocks,
T

right on, brother!!

I came across this picture i took early this year in miami the weekend of...well, the picture speaks for itself. You just never know what you'll see out there!

what is your heart saying?

What challenges you?

Our spirits are restless. Right? We never quite feel like we are satisfied. That still small voice inside of us, eggs us on constantly. Our first reaction is to make it go away. To silence the voice by whatever means we see fit. Instant gratification moves us to filling our loneliness with a meaningless relationship or stifling the anxiety with whatever means can numb the voice into submission...even if only temporarily.

Why do we run from our restlessness? Why are we so afraid of our hearts longings and desires? What if instead of trying to appease them we embrace and accept them as the motivation to discover who we are really intended to be? Our struggles do not define us, they steer us in the direction of self-discovery. Becoming the unique and beautiful creation of a Master Designer. God does not make mistakes.

Do you respect your heart? Do you protect it as a valuable commodity? It is no coincidence that our life source was placed in the center of our bodies. The center from which all life and vitality flows. This was intricately planned in our creation. The beating of our hearts is like the rhythm of life. With each beat, there's a rest....a beat....then a rest. Movement and then stillness. Ups....downs. Highs....lows. Embracing the lows allows us to truly appreciate the highs, right? Without them, we would live life in a stagnent, middle ground of indifference. Without pain we could never really place such a high value on the things that bring us comfort.

Comfort. It's what it all boils down to, right? In our hearts, lies the desire to be comfortable. Whether in our friendships, in our careers, our families...wherever your truest love lies -- there you will find the insatiable appetite for comfort, and you'll feed it at whatever cost.

With everything in life, there must be its contrast. Without the ugliness of life where would the beauty be? This brings me back to our restlessness. What do we do when it comes knocking at our door? Turn up the radio? Order another drink? Pick up the phone? What if we can use it as our guide - when it stops us in our tracks and whispers in our ear 'this is not enough' what can we do?

The still small voice inside you. What does it say to you? I wonder what would happen if we just listened.

unpacked memories

i remember a time when the breeze embraced laughter, clouds teased my imagination and the only uncertainties i knew were packed away in my lunchbox, waiting to be discovered. Swinging wildly on hammocks, climbing trees to fly across those clouds, i created a world among this world. And i was so happy. Content to just sit and stare, watch and wonder, imagine and create.

I was a freespirit even from childhood. Always a smile shining from within, never really knowing any other way, my innocence my virtue. To be a child, with little fear. To be a child, with dirt under my toes and sand in my hair. The simple joys of climbing up into the sky, to play pretend in my house in the trees, built by my dad. His generous hands so strong and gentle, with proof of his love in every crease, in every callus.

Nature excited me. Branches tempted me. I knew no boundaries when it came to grass and field. Those trees invited me in, though unsure of what awaited me on the other side, I went again and again. Swimming through spiderwebs, lifting rocks with silent anticipation, eager to find something bigger, greater, scarier then anything my brothers had ever found. The only chase I was aware of was the darkness. Slowly but surely, making it's daily journey to swallow the day.

And now here I am, older, wiser, hardened by life's experiences. Those softer times are now intermingled between hardship and difficulties. Life adds weight to them, piles high a stack of memory books upon them. They, the simple story lying quietly at the bottom, waiting to be rediscovered and read again. Their words a reminder of who I was, a hint of who I was to become.

so...here i am

Hi people.

I decided a nice way to break through the monotony of my life is to share it with you. What better way then to create one of these here blog thinger majinger ka bobbies.

And truth be told, my little sister has one and i had to have one too. Hi Jen!!

For those of you who know me, you know I just turned 30! And I have no problem admitting that. Quite the contrary, in fact - I embrace it! I feel the happiest, healthiest and most blessed I ever have in my life. Hmmm.... Wow. Seeing that in print makes me smile. Come to think of it, a lot makes me smile in life these days.

For instance....

and....

and...

Really though, first and foremost, I must thank God for blessing me in so many ways. Not only for bringing the most amazing man into my life when he introduced me to Wes. But also for showing me His love for me, everyday, in the most subtle but awesome ways.

What it comes down to is the simple things in life. God, family, love, health. You have that, you have everything.

Til next time, God bless y'all!